


Instant Crush

by Kitoko_kun



Series: Ultra-crush [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Frank Rastudo, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:35:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27707018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitoko_kun/pseuds/Kitoko_kun
Summary: "That's cool, Frankie" wasn't really the reaction Frank expected after telling Gerard he was bisexual.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Series: Ultra-crush [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027510
Comments: 24
Kudos: 140





	Instant Crush

**Author's Note:**

  * For [beforethesungoesdown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beforethesungoesdown/gifts).



_ And we will never be alone again  
_ _ 'Cause it doesn't happen every day  
_ _ Kinda counted on you being a friend  
_ _ Can I give it up or give it away?  
_ _ Now I thought about what I wanna say  
_ _ But I never really know where to go  
_ _ So I chained myself to a friend  
_ _ 'Cause I know it unlocks the door _

***

It was one of those summer nights where every single star and planet seemed to align to make it all perfect. The heat from the summer day had accumulated in the ground and managed to turn the cold breeze into a nice treat when it went by. The sky was so clear that —had Frank known anything about constellations— he would've been pointing and calling them by name, all knowledgeable like:  _ “Look at Major Canis and shit.” _ Or maybe showing him where Venus was. Although the moment was already pretty good as it is, probably a rambling about astronomy would only ruin the mood.

Gerard and him were laying on the grass in his house’s backyard, smoking in silence since the conversation about Starlight as a feminist icon had died down five minutes ago. They were passing the blunt back and forth without exchanging a word, having the grace only two people with enough practice in getting high together could. They also had experience with Mikey and/or Ray in the mix, but that implied a more complex choreograph, which meant verbal cues beyond just letting it go around. Mikey always managed to take more hits than the rest and no one realized until he was giggling by himself.

“Where’s Mikey?” He suddenly asked, forgetting about their quiet moment. Ray had an exam the next day, he already knew that.

“Out with Pete.” 

“Huh,” Frank nodded in understanding just as he received the joint back once more. He took a hit before continuing. “Is that getting serious?”

“Guess so,” Gerard replied. “He’s been at his place a lot this week.”

It was a good observation, one Frank must have made, because even though he had a synchronized pot ballet with Gerard, his best friend was supposed to be Mikey. Although, seeing it from another perspective, how was it his fault that Mikey was so successful at getting laid he barely had time to talk to his friends? Maybe it was Frank who should be offended for not knowing the status of his relationship with Pete. 

Only he wasn’t. He was sure Mikey would eventually tell him, if he wanted, and Frank didn’t feel left out. Gerard was pretty good company for when his friend wasn’t available and at that point, they were close too. He also knew Gerard didn’t see him anymore as his little brother’s best friend, and actually enjoyed being with him. It wasn’t something he did to pass the time or replace Mikey for a while. Both of them had created their own world somehow, and Frank thought about it for a moment, about how special their bond had become.

He couldn’t shake off the nervous feeling for what he was about to say. He had the sentence ready inside his head, conscious enough not to say it yet, but also to decide this was the right occasion to do it, as it would only keep it haunting his thoughts until the next time he could find a way to bring it up if he let the opportunity pass. It was nerve wracking, but it needed to be done. 

“I think I’m bisexual.” Frank pronounced the words for the first time in his 19 years of life. It felt just as weird as it was freeing. Becoming friends with Mikey and his group had helped him get rid of some of his internalized homophobia that had sadly remained from his catholic upbring, something he had never wanted to admit even to himself, but didn’t make any easier to bring the topic in his own home, where his parents wouldn’t understand.

There was a reason behind Gerard being the first person he told. It was important for him to know, and Frank also wanted his opinion. Despite having seen him in his worst moments during those six months of knowing him —his hair a greasy mess after weeks without showering, throwing up from too much booze or having insecurity crisis about his art for school—, there was an undeniable sense of admiration for someone who was four years older than you, and as interesting as Gerard Way was. Sometimes Frank thought of him as an open book. Other times, he seemed like a fuckin’ safebox requiring fingerprints, voice recognition and retinal scan. Maybe the moon made a better metaphor, shiny on one side and probably hiding space monsters on the other. He felt he knew him as much as he didn’t, and Frank’s heart was beating out of his chest waiting for his reaction.

“That’s cool, Frankie.” Gerard spoke in that tone of his that was calm and a bit cheerful, as if he was his mom —another mom, in an alternate universe where gays didn’t go to hell— telling him she was proud of his picture in the fridge. As if that wasn’t enough, Gerard touched his hand, but not to say  _ ‘prove it to me’ _ , but to take the blunt back. Like his declaration hadn’t been a big deal.

Not that Frank wanted Gerard to ask for proof  _ per se _ , but… Could he get any kind of emotion? Anything besides just accepting it?

“Yeah, I mean,” Frank went on, unsure as to where it would go, but not enough to stop talking. “I don’t have like… a ton of experience, but I think I’m into dudes too.”

“You don’t need to have experience to know your sexuality. You could be bisexual even if you never want to suck another dick your whole life,” Gerard explained with such certainty, Frank realized he had been worrying about that and immediately felt better. “It’s not like a… buffet, you know? You don’t have to taste every dish to choose your favorite, you just… you feel it. You are who you are. Straight people know they’re straight before getting any experience. Well, they assume, but you get my point, right?”

Frank nodded. He didn’t have a big plan for what to do next, nothing like a list of people he should tell or steps to take, or when to confront his parents. He assumed the first step was letting the words out of his mouth and get a sense of how they felt. Good, for now. It wasn’t something he had just been recently thinking about; actually, it felt like somehow it had always been around, and some recent events had made him want to share, maybe let it be real. 

He used to think it would have to do more with someone else instead of himself, that some guy would come into his life and make him fall in love so hard, he would have to redefine his sexuality —yeah, of course it sounded dumb _ now _ — and be forced to tell other people. Or maybe he would fall for a woman and not have to deal with this side at all, forever. Why fix something that isn’t broken, right?

Some of it had to do with Gerard. And some of it didn’t, at all. There wasn’t another big revelation coming, he wasn’t about to say:  _ “I’m bisexual and I want you in particular” _ , because it wasn’t true. Gee was undeniably attractive, even if Frank still defined himself as straight he could see it, and that was precisely the problem. How would Frank be able to tell if he was just confused by an unusually pretty guy? He needed to understand it better before letting Gerard know he may have feelings for him. He had to get his head in order before getting him involved.

“And even if you realize later that you’re straight,” Gerard continued, seeing Frank didn’t have anything else to add. “It’s cool too. I think sexuality can change, and you should explore, if you want, and… Sorry, maybe you didn’t come to me for advice and shit, but…” Frank sat on the grass at the same time Gerard did. He was smiling at him, staring into his eyes, and suddenly leaned in to get an arm around his shoulders, patting his back. Frank took the joint back so he wouldn’t get burned. “Thank you for trusting me.”

The phrase warmed his chest. Gerard sounded sincere and grateful, as if Frank had given him something precious, when it was Frank the one who wanted to thank him, yeah, for giving him advice, and also for making him feel normal, like it was a positive thing and not a problem. It was just what he needed, the most selfish part of him searching for reassurance. 

“Thank you for not freaking out,” he tried to joke, hugging him back.

“There’s nothing to freak out about,” Gerard replied and put a bit of distance between them, although he placed a hand in the back of Frank’s head, staring into his eyes again. He was still smiling and they stayed just like that for a few seconds, until Gerard took one of the longer strands from Frank’s hair. “I still can’t get used to it.”

Frank laughed. “You think I looked better before?”

“You always look good, Frankie. Orange suits you too,” said Gerard, as if it was nothing. “But I miss them. I met you with those dreads. And they were fun to twist around.”

Maybe he also missed Gerard having an excuse to touch his hair, although he could now appreciate how close he had to be to his scalp to do it. 

***   
  


Six months ago, Frank woke up in Mikey’s room and saw on his phone’s screen that it was fuckin’ 8 in the morning, which was a waste of a Saturday, just as much as the consequences of being a college student whose classes started too early. The conditions could also be blamed though, sleeping on the floor with a towel instead of a blanket—he briefly remembered Mikey being too drunk to distinguish pieces of fabric and handing him whatever was closest— wasn’t ideal. And of course he was hungover, because emptying a bottle of tequila with only the two of them had no way of going right.

He sat on the floor and looked at Mikey, practically dead on top of his bed. Frank poked his cheek with a finger and nothing happened. He threw a pillow at him and still got nothing. He told him the FBI was outside and he didn’t even flinch. He put a finger in his mouth and got a growl, but it wasn’t enough to try that again. Grossed out, he wiped his hand on the mattress and decided it was time to explore by himself. It was too early and there was too much hangoverness around to think about catching a bus back home.

Finding the bathroom was difficult, although things looked different in the daylight and without the fuzzy drunk filter. He quickly went through being completely confident about remembering every single event from the night before to being surprised by a rogue memory: he had puked somewhere in that bathroom, and realized in horror he didn’t know where. Should he follow his footsteps? Okay, he had stepped inside, leaned on the sink feeling the nausea was under control —naive—, stared at the mirror, winked, made dumb faces until he was hit by the need to throw up and… And? 

Maybe he had reached the toilet? Not that he wanted the piece of mind knowing there wasn’t dried-up puke to find and clean, just that he was standing kind of near it already and it was totally possible that he… Fuck, no. He had thrown up in the shower. Yup, it was clear as the fuckin’ light coming in from the window, shit that was bright. Anyway, cleaning the shower should be easy-peasy. The booze gods had blessed him. What was that little fucker’s name? Dionysus? How the fuck did he know that?

He turned on the shower and watched the stream getting rid of the traces of his drunkness, feeling pretty good about it not being worse when he got another fuckin’ flashback. The gods had forsaken him; he had messed up a towel. And it was one of those fancy ones, the one meant for visits that didn’t throw up in places they couldn’t remember, he was sure because he remembered the threads from the delicate embroidery against his face, and if only he could get his fuckin’ brilliant drunk brain to remember where the hell he had put it… Stuffed behind the toilet. Perfect. Drunk Frank was a public menace.

Hungover Frank was barely any better though. His only idea was to look for a washing machine and well, perhaps a plan B could be to dig a hole in the backyard, but then he would need to find a shovel and he was getting tired just from thinking about it. WAIT! What if he tried to convince Mikey  _ he _ had done it? But okay, first try the washing machine and then attempt some serious jedi hypnosis shit.

It shouldn’t be that hard to get it cleaned up. He could do it!

What he didn’t expect was to find someone on the first floor, but to be fair he should have, because there were some clues: 1. It smelled like coffee and that couldn’t be Mikey. He was dead. 2. Mikey told him the night before that his brother had stayed home too. Huh, Frank was really dumb.

Despite the guy having his back turned to him, Frank still thought he would turn around to see him once he stepped into the kitchen, because that was what people did to acknowledge a new presence. However, he didn’t. “Hey… hi,” Frank tried, his voice a bit hoarse, surely from too much drunk talking —screaming— the night before. Should he be ashamed of what Mikey’s brother could’ve heard?

Nothing, no reply. What if he was a ghost? Rad. Also spooky. But rad overall. “You there?” He insisted, along with getting in his space and peeking in front of him so he would see him.

“Shit! Jesus fuckin’ Christ!” The guy jumped and brought a hand with a lit cigarette to his chest. “You fuckin’ scared the shit out of me!”

“I can tell!” Frank laughed, which probably wasn’t the best answer. “Sorry, you were just standing there. Like a ghost.”

“I was thinking of something… Can’t remember what though, but it wasn’t ghosts.” To accompany his words, the guy ran his other hand through his black hair, getting it away from his face, tucking it behind his ear. Frank noticed his roots were a lighter color, explaining the contrast between the dark hair and his pale skin. He seemed a bit lost, like searching for the thought that got away with being interrupted, until he decided it would be better to pay attention to what was in front of him, finally looking at Frank’s face, making him feel acknowledged. “You’re Mikey’s friend, right? I’m Gerard. You can call me Gee, if you want. It’s shorter.” 

“I’m Frank,” he said, shaking his hand as grownups did, and keeping his other hand behind his back in a totally not suspicious move. “Don’t have a shorter version, you’ll just have to say every single letter. No shortcuts.”

“Okay, Frank. Have it your way,” the guy smiled, obviously taking more interest in what he was trying to hide. “What you got there? Wet bed sheets?”

“No. Oh no, it’s not that,” he thought it was funny how he said it, because what were Mikey and him going to do? Jerking off competitions? Little gay, to be honest. “I… uh, threw up in a fancy towel.”

“Don’t worry. You’re hardly the first one,” said Gerard while pouring two cups of coffee that Frank hoped he wouldn’t drink alone. It smelled amazing. “Hand it over.”

Upon seeing his arm stretched out to him, he shook his head. “No, dude, it’s gross. Just tell me where to wash it.”

Gerard dumped a bit of ash from his cigarette on a third cup, which should’ve been a clear indication to Frank that he wasn’t the most neat person in the universe. “It’s fine, I’ll take care of it”, he pressed. “I already know where everything is, it is no big deal.”

Well, Hungover Frank was getting a little tired and Drunk Frank’s messes were way more than he wanted to handle at this very moment, so he caved in pretty easily after hearing his words. “Thank you, seriously. I’ll buy you a coffee or something.”

“I never say no to coffee,” Gerard replied, spreading the towel to inspect its contents while Frank’s eyes widened in shock. Gerard laughed before rumpling it again. “Fuck, that’s nasty.”

“You didn’t have to look!”

“I absolutely did!” 

He turned his back on him and threw the towel into the washer with all the calm in the world, having even the audacity of telling him: “You want some pancakes? I’m starving.”

Frank forced his tired brain to try and search for all Mikey had told him about his brother and he couldn’t remember anything about him being the most weird person he would ever get to meet, so he wondered if Gerard was always like this and Mikey didn’t bother to tell him, or if he had been possessed by some strange spirit this morning. Because yes, he was the weirdest guy he had ever seen.

“Sure?” He said and then tried to joke. “Empty stomach.” It seemed puke humor worked on Gerard, since he laughed out loud.

Frank watched him getting stuff from the kitchen to cook and also handing him one of the coffee mugs. Frank thought he could have kissed him, if he were a woman. It was good coffee, but he had never kissed a man before and he wasn’t about to start now. “So, don’t mean to be rude, but, are the dreadlocks a fashion or an ideology thing?”

“A glue thing,” he explained, rushing to catch a bowl Gerard’s elbow had knocked over. “Glue and boredom.”

***

“Who’s the new guy?” Ray asked Mikey, pointing over his shoulder to the third person in the room.

“Hilarious,” Frank deadpanned, getting up from the bed to greet Ray, who touched his head and messed up his faux-mohawk. “Hey, no touching the hair!”

“You’re always fingering mine!”

“Weird phrasing,” Mikey chimed in.

“Your hair gets everywhere, Toro! Mine’s not bothering anyone!”

After one of them (Frank) was held in a tight headlock by the other (Ray), until maybe the first one had to plead for mercy, they were able to leave the argument behind, moving on to some compliments about how his hair looked better and something about his dreads starting to smell. It wasn’t the reason why Frank had chosen to do something for his appearance, but he wasn’t ready to discuss with them what it was really about.

He hadn’t told them about his conversation with Gerard. Not because he didn’t trust them, Ray and Mikey were awesome, the best friends he could’ve asked for, and obviously it wouldn’t be an issue to tell Mikey about being bisexual, he wouldn’t treat him any different for it, just like Frank hadn’t changed after knowing he had a boyfriend, just… it still felt like something private, he thought. He would have to find a good moment to bring it up, maybe a perfect night like he had with Gerard the week before.

It couldn’t be tonight; it was movie and pizza night. Movie and pizza and rum night. Movie and pizza and rum and pot night. Yeah. No heavy topics tonight.

“Let’s order the pizza already. Is Pete coming over?” Ray asked, taking out his phone.

Mikey hummed and nodded. “Get two vegetarians. Gee’s girlfriend is coming over.”

“Ooh, Frankie, you got competition!” Ray added cheerfully, somehow thinking it was funny to have a new vegetarian in the group, like that was Frank’s whole personality. Well, it was entirely possible Ray didn’t mean it like that, Frank could be exaggerating. He watched him getting away to make the phone call before asking: “Gee’s girlfriend?” 

“Yeah. It’s really new, like… two or three days. A classmate,” Mikey replied, as if it was normal to be talking about his brother dating someone. And yes, it could be considered normal, but for those last six months Frank hadn’t even thought about Gerard having a romantic partner. “He wants us to meet her.”

Did Frank have any reason at all to be mad? Would it be cool to use the  _ ‘he’s basically my best friend —sorry, Mikey— and I’m hearing about it from you instead of him’ _ card? Or maybe complaining about this being a ‘only boys night out’? Was that still a thing? Both options made him feel like a spoiled brat and despite trying really hard to keep a smile on his face, the sensation in his stomach was unpleasant enough to want to scream at anyone. 

“Guess we don’t have a choice then,” he muttered. Mikey caught his words and frowned at him, but went on to shrug after, perhaps deciding he didn’t have the time to unpack whatever Frank was going through.

***

Five months ago, Frank was sitting on the passenger seat while Gerard drove, and Ray and Mikey slept in the back of the car. That was what nobody told you about spontaneous road trips in the middle of the night: The soft and steady vibration from the car going through the highway was one of the strongest narcotics known, no matter how hyped you were before stepping in. He just hoped they would be able to wake them up once they got to their destination.

Of course he was doing his best to keep Gerard company, changing stations on the radio to avoid falling asleep too, although he got easily distracted staring at the stars from the window and what was visible from the moon. “We should come back when the moon is full,” he suddenly said.

“You wanna make sure no one in the group is a werewolf?” Gerard grinned.

“Fuck yeah. Like, for all I know you could be one,” he said, his finger pointing at him. Gerard made an exaggerated surprised face. “C’mon! You have the hair,” he began counting, holding his fingers in the air. “You disappear for days in weird times of the month…”

“It’s called homework.”

“You never shower!” He added a third finger.

“How’s that proof of anything?”

“You eat raw meat!”

Gerard let out a loud chuckle. “I eat people, careful there.”

“So you admit it!” Frank was again pointed at him accusingly, getting his finger closer to Gerard’s face and laughing with him, even louder when Gee tried to bite him. “I don’t wanna be in your fuckin’ pack! I’m a vegetarian, I’ll die!”

“Then you shouldn’t meddle in my affairs, dear Frankie.”

It was a joke. Of course it was a joke. He knew it was a joke and despite the fact that he had been smoking pot earlier, it wasn’t enough to believe even for a second that Gee could be a werewolf, but he stayed watching his profile while he drove and stopped to take in his features in the dim light coming in from the street, giving his skin an eerie glow. He could admit in the privacy of his own brain how if he had encountered Gerard in some mystical woods without knowing who he was, he would maybe be able to believe he was an elf or some other magical creature. The color of his eyes, the shape of his nose, how he spoke from one side of his lips and the way he smiled, all of it had that sense of ‘too perfect to be true.’ Gerard seemed unreal from some angles.

“Aaah, fuck you,” Frank let out, shivering all over. “Don’t say shit so solemnly, I almost believed it!”

“Seriously?” Gerard laughed louder than before, enough to wake Ray up, who looked disoriented through the window. “You really think I could keep the secret of being a werewolf? I’d fuckin’ tell everybody!”

“Are we there yet?” Ray asked, peeking into the front seats. “Oh, there’s the beach!”

Frank noticed he hadn’t been paying attention to the road in quite a while and he was the one who pushed for them to spontaneously drive to the beach. Fortunately he hadn’t been in charge of providing Gerard with directions; he knew the way because Mikey and him used to make that trip regularly, something about their grandma or aunt living close by, Frank hadn’t paid attention after getting too excited about seeing the sea.

They were able to park without any trouble, everything as empty as anyone could expect on a Thursday night at 2am. Only by getting out of the car Frank was able to feel the familiar sea breeze on his face, which he breathed in enjoying the coast smell. Here there were no horns or cars, no noise from other people’s parties, or the sporadic siren from far away that could ruin your night if you thought about too deeply. In this place there was only sand, sea and the dark sky over them, stars shining bright and a bit of the moon that they were lucky enough to see.

Mikey and Ray went ahead first, taking the long road to go down using the stairs. Of course Frank didn’t, wanting to be on the beach as soon as possible, deciding to just go through the steep rocky slope. Gerard looked down from above, doubting whether to follow him or not.

“It’s easy!” said Frank, anticipating his thoughts. “C’mon!”

Gee took a short step, searching around carefully for the next rock he could step on. Frank had no idea why he found it so adorable to watch, but it was, and luckily he was paying enough attention to him to notice when his calculations failed him. He rushed to take his hand and help him find his balance again. “I should’ve taken the stairs.”

“We’re almost there,” Frank replied, grinning. 

The rest of the descent was easy with Frank guiding and Gerard squeezing his hand, rather than just holding it. Frank had a really good joke about that, but it was completely forgotten when they heard Ray yelling: “GUYS, IS THAT A FUCKIN’ SHOOTING STAR?!”, followed by a “WOW!” from Mikey.

Frank lifted his gaze to the sky, smiling from ear to ear. Although he knew he was too young to declare tonight as the best night of his life, part of him had to accept it would be really difficult to top a shooting star. It was his first time seeing one in person.

Feeling Gerard intertwining their fingers also added another layer of awesomeness to the moment. He didn’t want to think about why, nor question anything beyond how his hand could be so warm and feel so good, almost as good at the sensation in his stomach when he turned around to watch him and caught a big smile on his face.

“What did you wish for?” He asked without thinking.

“More nights like these.”

***

He hated her. He fuckin’ hated her fuckin’ guts. He hated the fuckin’ air betraying him by keeping her alive. He hated the fuckin’ ground that didn’t open up to swallow her when she walked on it. He hated… FUCK! He hated her so much he couldn’t even think about other stuff to hate around her!

He mumbled some insults, going as far as to make his own just for the occasion, and stopped only to drink a shot of straight vodka, along with the mandatory cough after it. Getting drunk wasn’t helping his anger at all, but he couldn’t think of anything else to do, besides looking deep inside for valid excuses to hate that poor girl more than he already did. He only had known her for about 30 minutes and it wasn’t like she had an annoying voice or was wearing an offensive t-shirt that allowed him to pick a fight with her. He wished that were the case! Maybe one that said ‘Star Wars suck’ or ‘Real men don’t cry’, although there was no way Gerard would date her if she had those opinions. Of course Gee’s girlfriend was impossibly nice, her only visible flaw not having the decency of giving Frank a good reason to hate her. Insufferable, for real.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Said Mikey, stepping into the kitchen.

“A lot of things.”

“You got a problem with Amanda?”

“I don’t give a fuck about Amanda,” he replied in what he thought would be a mature answer, because the phrase was supposed to go along the lines of  _ ‘I don’t care enough about her to have a problem’ _ , but ended up being… well, what he said, and also: “What makes you think I’ve got a problem with her?”

“The fuckin’ scene you just made?” Mikey reminded him, pointing outside to the backyard, where the group was still hanging out.

“I just came in for another drink.”

“You dumped your whole beer on the grass and got up yelling ‘I’M GETTING A DRINK’ while Amanda was talking about her grandmother’s funeral, you dick.”

“Oh, so I was supposed to just wait for her to finish that boring ass story before getting up? I was thirsty, okay?”

“Dude, you don’t have to like her,” Mikey changed the approach after taking a deep breath, possibly asking the universe for more patience, or perhaps wondering why this had turned into his responsibility. “But you do have to pretend. Gee’s really happy.”

That was officially the worst part. More than the girl not having any particular obnoxious trait, it was how Gerard wouldn’t stop smiling or looking at her, holding her hand and laughing at every single one of her jokes. And they weren’t even that funny, Frank was sure he had made him laugh way harder, but that wasn’t the point. Mikey was right. And now he hated Mikey a little bit too.

“I know,” he said and went on to pour another shot of vodka, because he was an idiot who didn’t know how else to handle things. “I… I’ll try.”

He lifted his gaze from the bottle and looked outside. Gerard was kissing his girlfriend and it made him frown again. All the calm he had managed to gather went to hell, the rage boiling in his stomach came back stronger than before and his brain searched for any argument that could possibly turn Mikey to his side.

“I taught him how to kiss, you know?” He told him. “He was a lousy kisser and I showed him all my tricks, and now he’s out there using all of my techniques on her and that’s fuckin’ unfair.”

“You… what? When?”

He turned to look at Mikey, noticing he had said too much. Gerard didn’t tell his brother for some reason and Frank, well, also had a good reason to keep it a secret. That wasn’t the way he wanted to open the door to share that part of his life with his friends. It couldn’t be out of spite.

“I’m kidding.”

***

Four months ago Frank arrived too early at the Way residence because his last class on Friday was cancelled and seeing how Mikey wasn’t home yet, Gerard invited him to watch movies in his room while he waited, which seemed to be one of his favorite hobbies.

It wasn’t the first time he visited that house’s basement. Since befriending Mikey, he had been spending more time in their house than his own —like his mother loved to point out every time he said he was hanging out at the Way’s, making jokes about when they would adopt him and change his last name—, but Gerard’s room looked different without the other guys in it. Gee sometimes let them party there, as long as it was just Ray, Mikey and him; he still didn’t let them invite more people, he didn’t like having strangers in his space, no matter how much alcohol and weed it meant.

Truth be told, he felt honored to be invited alone, even if it had been a casual thing because Gerard was too nice to leave him all by himself, bored out of his mind waiting in the living room. He still felt some weird reverence towards the older Way and he had no idea why. Maybe he liked too much how he talked and had opinions for everything, stuff that made him nod along like an idiot, shooting questions at him without being able to stop. There was also the fact that he was the most interesting person he knew, because he went to art school and was always working on a new project that Frank wasn’t allowed to see, which only made Frank obsess over it. The day Gerard finally shared his work with him, Frank was probably going to explode in confetti from excitement.

Perhaps it was that pull and push what made his friendship with Gerard so interesting. He was an easy-going guy most of the time, but if you looked deeper you could see how much stuff he kept to himself and every time Frank unlocked a new part of his life, he felt like he had won a prize. And the thing about Gerard was that you couldn’t just tire him up by being annoying —Frank’s specialty—, sometimes the trick was to not pay too much attention to him so he started craving it, which was honestly fascinating. Frank had only known him for two months, it was normal to not know everything there was to him, but he wanted to.

“Is that Cruel Intentions?” He had to ask while staring at the paused screen.

“Yeah. It’s so good!”

Frank stared at him with a nervous smile on his face, waiting to be told it was a joke, until it became painfully obvious that it wasn’t. Despite hearing a voice inside his head telling him not to say what he was about to, he did it anyway. “Isn’t that like a chick flick?”

The way Gerard stared back at him had to be classified as deadly, and Frank saw him raising his index finger and taking a deep breath, kind of wondering where to begin his explanation of why and how wrong he was, but it seemed like he decided it was a waste of energy. “Have you ever seen it?”

“No, I mean… just the making out scene.” He admitted. Gerard shook his head angrier than before and aggressively patted the spot on the bed next to him.

“Can’t believe this shit. You’re not leaving until you see the whole thing and educate your ignorant ass.” With his other hand he was rewinding the movie and Frank was close to saying they could just watch from where he had stopped it, but immediately realized we wouldn’t like that either. “Sit the fuck down already, I’ll give you a beer so your delicate masculinity isn’t threatened.”

“What the fuck? I don’t care about that,” he frowned, taking a seat on the bed, closer to Gerard than needed just to show him how cool he was with it. “I’ll take a beer, but not because I’m insecure.”

“Yeah, sure,” Gerard rolled his eyes and pressed play, getting comfortable with a pillow behind his head, leaving Frank to grab the cans on the nightstand; there was barely any coldness left from the fridge. He assumed Gee had taken them for him and was ready to enjoy a movie night by himself when Frank interrupted his plans.   


He handed him a beer that Gerard took without looking at him, pointing instead at the screen so he would pay attention. Frank looked in front of him and opened up the can, taking a gulp of alcohol that could only be considered warm. Anyway, he wasn’t about to get picky when it had been free and he hadn’t turned 21 yet. Any kind of booze was welcome, even if the person giving it to him was mad.

He also did his best to be interested in what happened to the people in the film, which was way darker than he thought, and at times he sneaked glances at Gerard, expecting some kind of reaction or an explanation of certain things happening, but he was being ignored. Frank could take it for approximately 30 minutes and then just had to venture, nudging Gerard’s thigh with his knee. “Don’t be mad at me. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Watch the movie.”

“I am. It’s good!” He argued, trying to defend himself, moving on to crossing his arms in front of his chest after leaving the empty can on the floor. His face already felt a bit hot, the alcohol managing to relax him enough to get really into the plot of the movie. He wasn’t lying when he said it was good, although he also wanted to hear what Gerard had to say about it. Every scene made him wonder what he liked specifically. Was it the actresses? The catholic theme? The emotional manipulation?

His body also relaxed against Gerard, having been tense before because their arms were touching. He thought Gee would eventually move, but it hadn’t happened, and Frank felt it could be some sort of homophobic statement to do it himself right now, so he was just trying to ignore it. They were friends, it wasn’t a big deal to share their personal spaces, they had done it before and no, Frank wasn’t the sort of jerk who needed to reassure his sexuality by putting distance between him and other men all the time. Right? He hated how nervous he was just because they were too close.

When they got to the only scene Frank knew, he frowned. He had seen it because everyone sent it to him, such an explicit kiss between two women was something all his friends had… appreciated? But Frank never got the context. “That’s bullshit. No one practices with friends.”

“It’ll be so easy if we did,” said Gerard, who finally didn’t sound mad. “Like, how the fuck are you supposed to improve if no one gives you feedback? And, well, you can ask, but what if it’s really bad and then you never want to kiss anyone ever again?”

Frank sat up on the bed and turned to be in front of Gerard. “You really want to know?” He asked and before he could reply, he added: “Kiss me. I’ll give you feedback.”

It was perfect, right? That way he would get rid of that lingering awkwardness and prove how he wasn’t a homophobic asshole. Or misogynistic. Or whatever Gerard thought of him for judging the movie without seeing it. It was a great idea, also because he had never seen Gee disoriented like that. Actually, his cheeks had turned a bit pink and it was obviously difficult for him to hold his stare, until it was too much and he faced the TV again.

“I can’t tell if you’re joking, but it’s not funny,” he said. 

“I’m not trying to be funny!” Frank argued immediately. He wouldn’t risk leaving things like that. “I mean it, you can kiss me. It’s no big deal.”

“Right, so you can tell everyone I’m terrible at it and mock me…”

Frank frowned, weirdly hurt by his words, which made his tone more serious than it should have been. “You think I’m that much of an asshole? For real?”

Gerard looked at him again, his expression getting softer, and seemed to give it a real thought. “No. I… I don’t know why I said that,” he admitted, scratching his head. “I think I’m not used to hanging out with straight guys, you know? I keep thinking you’ll shove me into a locker or something.”

“Gee, I spent half of high school inside lockers. I actually fit.”

The comment made Gerard laugh and Frank smile, despite the question that got stuck in the back of his mind: Gerard wasn’t straight? It felt rude to ask in this context, but he was dying to know. 

“Well… okay. If it really doesn’t bother you…” Gerard went back to the previous offer. Frank nodded rapidly. “Could you… um… close your eyes?”

This time he was able to listen to the voice in his head telling him a joke about Gee being too girly wouldn’t be well received. He didn’t even know why it would be girly to ask someone you were about to kiss to close their eyes, but it was the kind of joke Frank would make, probably to cover his own nervousness. Oh, yes, he was nervous as fuck. It had been his own idea and he didn’t regret it, despite it still being unknown territory, just because it meant to kiss someone for the first time. Even though he was his friend, although it wouldn’t mean anything and he knew Gerard was harmless, it was still new.

So he closed his eyes without voicing any concerns. He felt movement on the bed from Gerard getting closer, and how he placed a hand on his shoulder, maybe for balance. He noticed his breathing on his cheek before feeling Gerard’s lips on his. They were warmer than he expected, and also softer. He didn’t think it would be like that. Not that he spent too much time watching Gee’s mouth, he usually got distracted staring into his eyes while he talked. And as far as the kiss went, well… it wasn’t really going anywhere. Gerard’s lips barely moved, so he stayed there, waiting to see what his friend would do.

Suddenly Gee broke the contact and Frank opened his eyes, confused. “Was it that bad?”

“Where’s the tongue?” Frank asked, ignoring his question. Gerard blinked, now confused as well.

“You didn’t open your mouth.”

“You didn’t make me.”

“I’m not supposed to  _ make _ you, what the fuck? You open your mouth if you want some tongue.”

Frank shook his head. “No, you make the other person open their mouth letting them know you  _ want _ in,” he explained all matter-of-factly and got closer to demonstrate, placing a hand on the back of his neck. “Like this.” 

He closed his eyes, assuming Gerard would follow, and brought their lips together again, only this time he took the lead and opened his mouth, grazing Gerard’s with the tip of his tongue. He heard a weak “Oh”, like he had understood what he meant, and gained access for their tongues to find each other briefly. After that, he got away, convinced the demonstration had been a success. 

“Now you try it.” Frank sat back down and closed his eyes before being asked to. This time there seemed to be less doubt from Gee’s side, who had already put the lesson to practice and made him feel his tongue on his lips, again warmer than Frank expected. He didn’t have to think when opening his mouth to let him in, and once again Gerard was shy in his exploration.

They parted after a few seconds. Gerard was clearly waiting for a comment.

“It was… good.”

“It was awful.”

“No! But you could definitely use more tongue.”

“Really?” Gerard rubbed the back of his own neck, averting his gaze. “I didn’t want to make it too weird… Are you really okay with, like, making out?”

That was a good question and Frank wouldn’t have thought about it if Gerard hadn’t brought up. Now he was the one feeling weird for overseeing it, and also for not being bothered by the idea at all. He was actually really curious about how Gerard made out with other people, enough to just nod. “Sure I am. C’mon, give me all you got,” he smiled.

He barely had time to close his eyes, maybe Gerard didn’t care that much anymore. This time he cupped his face with both hands and Frank didn’t wait for him to ask permission to open his mouth, something in the urgency of how he grabbed him letting him now it was better this way. He could clearly see the difference between Gerard holding back and Gerard giving it his all, because he had stopped doubting and was now claiming his mouth as his own, which was way more interesting than the insecure touches he had given him before. He even managed to surprise Frank by grazing the roof of his mouth; it was kinda weird to think about, but felt amazing. Definitely new. And Gerard also caught his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment, causing Frank to respond by biting his tongue when he had the chance. Gerard blinked after they parted. “Did you just bite my tongue?”

“Yup,” Frank smiled, proudly. “It’s hot, right?”

“It weirdly is…” Gerard thought out loud. “Well, how was that?”

“Really good,” Frank nodded, this time being completely honest. “I think you gotta start slow and build into it, but that’s for when you’re trying to set the mood with someone, not like we’re trying to get  _ that _ going here.” 

“No, not at all.”

They both laughed, maybe from awkwardness, or from the lack of. “Oh, and,” Frank remembered an advice and got in Gerard’s face again. “You should do something memorable to finish the kiss, like,” he kissed the corner of his mouth. “That.”

Gerard raised a hand and touched where he had just kissed him. “Right.”

“But, yeah, dude, 9/10. You’re good.”

Instead of asking how he could bring his score to perfection, Gerard grabbed the remote control and rewinded the movie.

***

Ray and him stared at the door as it was opened by Mikey, who answered the unspoken question of why he came back by himself with a shrug. On this particular occasion it was enough to understand Gerard wouldn’t be joining them, again. And they didn’t need to ask the reason why, it was always the same: spending time alone with his girlfriend, because apparently Frank was too mean to her —was it his fault she didn’t get his elevated sense of humor?— and because watching movies and getting drunk with them wasn’t what couples did.

“Well, he’s at it again,” Ray shrugged too. “Let’s just watch the movie without him.”

“Yeah, no use in waiting.” Mikey handed him the DVD he got from Gerard’s room. Frank got the feeling they both knew something he didn’t and being left out was one of his least favorite experiences.

“What do you mean ‘again’?” He asked, frowning.

Ray stared at him at disbelief for a moment, until he seemed to understand something. “Right, you haven’t known Gee that long. He gets like this when he’s in a relationship. Like, he just forgets about everything around him.”

“And he’s like…  _ always _ in a relationship,” Mikey added. “Before Amanda it was Paul.”

“Wasn’t Lisa around after Paul?”

“Right, that’s true.”

Frank’s gaze went from one to the other during the exchange, having nothing to say while realizing how little he knew about Gerard’s life before… well, before being in it. It sounded like they were talking about somebody else, a different Gee from the one he knew, the one whose face lightened up when they invited him to hang out, the one who drove an hour and a half on any given night just because Frank wanted to see the beach, the one who got up to make coffee when no one else wanted to, and the one who always came up with the best recommendation for Friday night movies. The only times Frank noticed his absence were when he was stuck on his art projects, usually they didn’t even need to let him know ahead of time for him to be available. How was he supposed to always have a partner? It was already a wonder how he found the time or energy to get his current girlfriend.

“Man, he really went six whole months single…” Ray did mental math, surprised by his own calculations. Mikey’s eyebrows were surprised too, and his eyes turned to Frank. Ray’s followed. Frank made a questioning face. “It’s funny, we thought he… uh, was after you.”

“Me?” Frank repeated, just because he needed something to say. “Why?”

“You’re kinda his type,” said Mikey, chuckling. Frank had no idea what was funny about it. “I told him he was barking at the wrong tree though.”

“He… wasn’t.” Frank didn’t plan to say it out loud now, he still thought he was in his grace period where he could not tell people yet about his new found sexual identity and avoid getting called a bad friend. The words just left his mouth, because it felt weird to let it pass, and also knowing Mikey had said the wrong thing to Gerard, although he understood why. When he raised his gaze —not having noticed when he had lowered it—, he saw further explanation was needed. “I’m bi.”

It was only the second time he said it out loud and it felt even better than the first one, not because he was with different people, but because he felt more confident about it. It felt just right, like telling a part of himself that should have always been out in the open.

“Shit, sorry,” Mikey rushed to say. “I didn’t know, I should’ve asked you.”

“Dude, it’s cool. I didn’t know either.”

That managed to lighten up the mood, making the three of them laugh. It was nice for it not to turn into a heavy topic, although he suspected it wasn’t over as Ray moved to be in front of him, forgetting about the movie. “So… Don’t mean to be nosy, but, were you interested? Did something happen with Gee that made you realize?”

“As long as you don’t mean to be nosy,” Frank repeated, using an exaggerated tone of voice to show them how nosy they were actually being. He took the precious seconds their laughs gave him to rub the back of his neck, feeling a bit awkward. “I’ve got no fuckin’ clue,” he admitted. “But it doesn’t matter now. He’s… with her,” he pointed at the door, in the basement’s direction.

When both of his friends stayed silent, nodding, he noticed he was waiting to hear something more. Anything. Some reason why things didn’t have to end there, a  _ ‘he obviously doesn’t love her’ _ or a  _ ‘ugh that bitch, we hate her’ _ , but there was nothing of the sort. Amanda was really nice, he didn’t blame them, and he also  _ did _ blame them. He wanted to hate her with his friends’ support.

“Such a shame though,” said Ray. “You guys were always in your own world. It was cute.”

Okay, that was even worse. Because it was true and Frank only realized after hearing it how he was so upset because he had let something special go to waste. That was the real problem and not Gerard ignoring his group of friends for his girlfriend. Frank hated how Gerard ignored him in particular. How their little world had ceased to exist.

The mood had ended up turning heavy, with the three of them in silence, the DVD forgotten next to the TV. Frank really wanted to say something that would lighten the mood again, change the subject somehow, and especially stop his own thoughts about Gerard, but nothing came to mind. And then he didn’t need to say anything; they all heard what was unmistakably a moan. A long and loud one, that almost turned into a scream, followed but a series of shorter ones, getting increasingly faster, along with Gerard’s name in between, composing a perfect melody that could win an award for original composition of porn soundtracks

“Jesus,” Mikey complained, grabbing his phone. “Sorry about that, guys.”

“Shit, now _ that’s _ back,” Ray said, shuddering. “I think my brain just blocked it.”

“This happens a lot too?” Frank asked, disoriented. Ray nodded. Frank looked at Mikey. “Are you texting him? He may be too busy to check his phone, dude.”

“Na. He says he’s sorry and will try to keep it down.”

Frank frowned, trying to understand the logistics behind the moaning still going on and Gerard not only checking his messages, but also replying to them? Was he a fuckin’ octopus? And now he had somehow managed to put on music. Did he really need to ruin Black Flag for him? Couldn’t he have picked anything else to muffle the sounds?

He rolled his eyes when the screaming came back, loud enough to be heard over the music. For fuck’s sake, just how good could Gee be?

“Let’s watch the movie,” Ray offered. It kind of got the job done, especially after they turned the volume up enough for Frank not to be able to hear his own thoughts anymore.

Well, it worked for all ten minutes Frank could stand sitting on Mikey’s bed holding his knees and resting his cheek on them. Then he had to get up. He was antsy, couldn’t shake off the taste the conversation about Gerard left in his mouth, the idea that he had messed up. Frank already knew what he had done, was aware he should’ve made a move sooner, but hadn’t been as sure as he was now about feeling something special towards him. And had just now realized how he had taken Gee’s company for granted, now that he missed him so much.

“You okay?” Mikey muttered seeing him get up.

“Yeah, just… gotta take a leak.”

“I’ll pause it,” Ray offered.

“Don’t, just fill me in when I get back.”

He shut the door behind him and went to the bathroom, being naive enough to believe all he needed were a few minutes alone to be okay, as if changing the background would help him forget everybody found out about Gerard before he did. Why couldn’t he notice Gerard was into him before it was too late? He hated thinking about the role he had, in how much he must have made him suffer without knowing, allowing him to believe he wouldn’t get anything in return. He was such an asshole.

It wasn’t like he didn’t have clues, he just couldn’t put them together before, much like his own feelings. And he should’ve realized sooner. Frank had been obsessing over Gerard for months, perhaps since the first time he saw him. He was fascinating, so he kept looking for him every time he could, getting closer to him despite all the barriers he put up. Frank had earned being close to him. How had he missed something this important? And why? Only to try and protect his idea of being straight? Because being het was easier?

Once in the bathroom, he splashed his face with cold water, letting it run to his neck, staring at the mirror. If he were having a good time, this would be the moment to smile, laugh, maybe fix his hair in a poor attempt to look less drunk, or convince himself he wasn’t too high, but all he saw was someone who didn’t want to be there. And ‘there’ wasn’t the Way’s place. ‘There’ was any place that didn’t have Gerard in it.

Unfortunately, there was nothing to be done about it. Frank obviously thought about knocking on his door and sitting between the two of them, along with some other ideas to annoy the fuck out of both and ruin their mood, but he didn’t feel like his usual annoying self.

Wow. That hadn't happened in a while. There were no annoying energies left in his system.

Putting together excuses to go back home, he opened the restroom’s door and found himself in front of Gerard, both staring at each other with surprised expressions. Gerard probably wasn’t expecting running into anybody in the bathroom and Frank had understood what went on in the basement; Gee’s face glistened from how wet it was, especially on his chin, lips and nose, but the substance was everywhere. Even his eyelashes looked sticky.

“Sorry, I…” He began saying, wiping a hand over his face, as if that would prevent Frank from noticing. Moron. 

“Go ahead,” Frank stepped aside. Gerard went in quickly, straight for the sink. “Why didn’t you use your bathroom?” 

“Amanda’s in it.”

_ ‘AmAnDa Is In It’ _ Frank repeated mentally, mocking his voice. Fuck, he hated Amanda. She surely didn’t deserve to be eaten out as good as she had been. But well, that explained her screaming. Why did Gerard have to be good at that too? 

“What are you guys doing?” Gerard asked, grabbing a towel to dry himself after washing his face. Frank had no idea why he would try to make small talk, until he realized it was him who had stayed standing in the doorway, arms crossed and staring at Gee. He was clearly making him uncomfortable.

Good.

“We’re about to have a threesome,” he replied in all seriousness. Gerard turned to look at him and laughed anyway. “I think I’ll be in the middle. That must be the best spot, right?”

“I guess.”

“I can’t decide if Mikey or Toro should fuck me though. Toro may need more convincing, being straight. Maybe if I suck his dick real good I’ll turn him.”

Gerard’s smile disappeared from his face and Frank had a twisted relief watching the effect his words had on him, it didn’t matter which part was the most shocking, he only wanted him to stop pretending it was all fine. Because things weren’t fine, and it wasn’t fair for only Frank to have a shitty time. He wanted chaos.

And he definitely found it. Gerard looked angry. “There’s nothing funny about ‘turning’ someone.”

“No?” Frank kept a cold expression, pretty sure the next thing coming out of his mouth would be awful, but having nothing else he wanted to say back. “Isn’t that what you did with me?”

There it was, the last blow. Any trace of warmness or care on Gerard’s face vanished. “Fuck you, Frank,” he said, spiteful, passing by his side to get out without sparing a second look.

Very well, now everything was really ruined.

***

Three months ago Frank convinced Gerard not only that driving to the beach at sunset was exactly what he needed to celebrate handing in the last one of his exams, but also that it was mandatory for them to get in the water despite all of his complaints about it being cold and how they were going to get sick. Why did he even bother pretending he wouldn’t listen to Frank anyway? Gerard was already taking off his hoodie and leaving it on the sand, safe with his other belongings. It was pretty conceited of Frank, but he had already noticed Gerard didn’t say no to him. And he enjoyed it too much.

It was his turn, so he kicked off his sneakers and took off socks, jeans and denim jacket, maintaining the poor illusion of having dry clothes when it was time to get dressed again. They should’ve brought towels, and also left earlier to get some real warmth from the sun instead of what little light was left, although the sky looked so beautiful it was almost worth it. And where was the fun in planning things out? There was nothing better than just having an idea and acting on it immediately, fuck everything else.

Of course he was the first one to run off into the water and then had to yell at Gerard for him to follow, promising that it wasn’t so cold.

“Oh, you motherfuckin’ piece of shit fuckin’ LIAR!” His friend recited as soon as his feet touched the water. Frank laughed really hard and went back a couple of steps to grab his hands and tug him.

“C’mon! You won’t feel it once you get used to it!”

“I won’t feel my fuckin’ feet once I get hypothermia!” 

Once again he was complaining, but did nothing for Frank to let go of his hands or refused getting dragged into the sea. His face went through different stages of  _ ‘I’m fuckin’ freezing’ _ and  _ ‘I fuckin’ hate you’ _ until their gazes met and Frank’s smile was way too bright not to smile back, although Gerard kept threatening to return to the sand and leave him alone. Frank laughed a lot, even though it wasn’t particularly funny, he just got in that idiotic mood whenever they were alone.

“Okay, shit, that’s enough,” said Gerard at some point. “Your hair’s getting wet.”

Frank looked over his shoulder. The water was already reaching chest level for him. “Doesn’t matter.”

“You’ll get sick, Frankie,” Gerard continued and moved to lean closer, getting his hands behind Frank’s head to hold his dreads and tie them up with the elastic band he had on his wrist. Frank supposed he used it to get his own hair away from his face while drawing.

“Thanks, mom.”

“Moms are cool, I don’t care.” Well, he shouldn’t be surprised about Gerard having a hot take on a common dumb joke, that was the kind of commentary he expected from him and that most of the time gave him a lot to think about, usually about how misogynistic society was and other stuff along those lines. However, right now all he thought about was how pretty Gerard’s face looked from up close. Frank should’ve been used to it by now, he didn’t even know why he liked his features so much. It was just a pretty face, right? “I’m sorry I couldn’t hang out with you this week.”

Frank blinked a few times, he hadn’t closed his eyes, staring at him, especially at his lips when they started moving as he spoke. “It’s fine. I have more friends, you know?” He laughed. “I wasn’t, like, all alone, crying in my room over you.”

Gerard smiled, but seemed a bit distracted, like that wasn’t what he wanted to discuss. “I missed you.”

It felt like time had stopped. There were still things happening around them —the water kept moving, they could hear the waves crashing, also seagulls passing by, and the sky was getting darker—, so there wasn’t anything wrong with the low of time itself, but Frank felt paralyzed. As they got to know each other better, the moments where Frank couldn’t decipher Gerard decreased, but this was one of them. And it felt important to answer something.

He had said only three words, just a short sentence, it shouldn’t matter so much. Why was he so tense? “Me too,” he said, choosing to be honest, although his voice came out a bit lower than he anticipated. Maybe it hadn’t been that serious, maybe it was a joke he didn’t get.

There wasn’t much time to think about it, or to ask questions, because Gerard had leaned in to kiss him, grabbing his shoulders, tilting his head so their mouths would fit better. Frank shut his eyes quickly and answered, parting his lips after Gerard’s tongue touched them reminding Frank of how he had taught him that trick weeks ago. His heart began beating faster, and his hands went to touch Gerard’s. He had no idea what was going on.

And he didn’t know either what Gee’s intention was. As soon as they parted, Frank surprised himself by laughing. It wasn’t his usual laugh, it was a nervous one, like a reflex for feeling so disoriented with what had just happened he couldn’t remember how a human being should function. Not like that, obviously.

“Well, 10/10,” he joked, letting go of Gerard’s hands, taking a step back to put some distance between them he wasn’t sure he even wanted, but deemed necessary. “You got better. Congratulations. Let’s go back, it’s fuckin’ freezing.”

Although he didn’t look over his shoulder, he knew Gerard was following when he said: “Sure.”

***

It was a bad idea, from the beginning. What he should’ve done was texting Gerard to ask him if he had an opening in his pretty busy schedule of shoving his tongue down his girlfriend’s throat and whatever other places, to meet him and talk about how badly they had left things off the last time they spoke. However, what Frank did was visit the Way’s residence all week expecting to eventually run into Gee, greet him all normal, acting like nothing happened to check if they were alright or not. When that didn’t work, he told Mikey they should throw a party in his house, because he momentarily forgot that wouldn’t get Gerard out of his basement.

Seriously, what a bad idea.

Now they had a bunch of people from their college and others stuck in the living room, with shitty music and cups threatening to spill over the most valuable family antiques, the ones they had forgotten to hide. And for what? There was no one there Frank wanted to talk to. It didn’t matter how badly he tried to get distracted, all of his thoughts went back to the one where he would trade every single person in that room, along with the party, for the chance of laying in Gerard’s bed watching Lord of the Rings for the fourth time, hearing him mumbling his favorite dialogues and telling Frank, also for the fourth time, all the funny making of trivia he knew.

Things weren’t as fun without Gee. And Frank missed dragging him to hang out with them

He finished what was left of his beer in a single gulp and got up, not bothering to excuse himself for leaving the group he was chatting with. He had to try, he wouldn’t know peace ever again until he at least knocked on Gerard’s door, just to let him know they missed him —as a group— and he didn’t need to hide in his lair.

“Come in?” Gerard’s voice came from inside the room, sounding a bit disoriented, maybe thinking of the probability someone got so lost in their house they ended up at the basement’s door. He looked up from his sketchpad when Frank came in. “Oh. Hi.”

“Hi,” he replied, shutting the door behind him.

Gerard was sitting on his bed, his back leaning on the wall and a sketchpad on his lap that he moved to the side so Frank couldn’t see when he got closer. That shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, neither the fact that he wasn’t invited to sit next to him. Frank did it anyway, although he remained on the edge of the bed, some sort of consensus between invading his space, but not too much.

“Are you still mad at me?” 

Seeing Frank wasn’t trying to take a peek at his drawings, Gerard grabbed the pen again and put it to the paper, without paying much more attention to him. “About what?”

Frank couldn’t tell if he had really forgotten or was being a dick on purpose, which is something Frank would totally do, but hadn’t had the chance to see in Gerard. He had never made him angry like that, he didn’t know what to expect or how to treat him. If it had been anyone else, he would have punched him in the arm, or make a really funny joke so he would laugh, and then apologize sincerely with the tension out of the way. However, the mood felt already too tense to try it.

“You know… That argument we had last week,” he tried. Repeating the actual words he said was more difficult than he thought it would be. “I was a jerk. Sorry.”

“Oh,” Gerard shrugged. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

It didn’t seem like it was fine. It seemed like he didn’t want to touch the subject and although Frank was ready to face it, he didn’t want to force Gerard to. Or was that him choosing the easy way out? It definitely was; if he just accepted what Gee had said instead of pushing for a more honest answer, then he wouldn’t have to confront what he had done. Or worse, have to explain why he acted the way he did. _ ‘Sorry, I was jealous’ _ wouldn’t cut it as a good reason.

He went for a different approach. “I got a new tattoo.”

It managed to make Gee raise his gaze. In response, Frank turned his head to the side and showed him the new black scorpion on his neck. “When?”

“Five days ago?” Frank recounted. “It’s still, like, shedding.” 

“The skin?” Gerard asked, leaving the sketchbook aside to lean in closer. Frank made an effort to stay still. “That’s so gross,” he scrunched up his nose.

“You can touch if you want,” he said when it seemed like Gerard was about to. They exchanged a smile that made things feel a bit more normal, and Gee’s fingers ran delicately over kis skin. “Fuck, that feels good.”

“Why? Is it itchy?”

“Yeah, man, I woke up scratching it this morning. But it should be fine in a day or two.”

“It’s really cool, Frankie.”

Frank scored a mental point. He was back to being Frankie! Crisis averted, maybe? So perhaps it hadn’t been so bad and Gerard didn’t care enough to remember it, and maybe they hadn’t seen each other all week because he was busy and not mad at him. “Thanks, Gee,” he offered as a sign of peace.

And then he scored another mental point because Gerard remained sitting close to him instead of going back to his previous spot. It made him feel like things hadn’t changed, like it wasn’t too late. If no one mentioned Amanda, it was like she didn’t exist, and Frank enjoyed the fantasy of being alone with Gee with all possibilities open, just like it had been a few months before. Yes, Frank had been a moron, he really should’ve treated Gerard better, and this felt like a second chance.

He opened his mouth to form a question, but instead of pronouncing any words to communicate, what he did was getting into his space and kissing him. Before receiving any type of response, he had placed a hand on his shoulder, urgent, squeezing under his fingers as if asking him not to move away. He needed that to happen, and to feel important to Gerard again; for them to kiss without having to explain anything, just because it felt good or to prove how much they trusted each other, or… because maybe they felt something special.

Gerard seemed unsure and Frank touched his lips with his tongue, that sign they both knew meant taking things further, and as soon as Gerard barely opened his mouth, Frank entered desperately in it, a lot sloppier than they used to kiss. He also pressed his body against Gerard’s, trying to get him on his back. Once he was on top of him, he couldn’t tell if it was from Gee letting him or because he shoved him too hard, but it was the only place Frank wanted to be.

The next thing he felt were Gerard’s hands on his chest. He wasn’t putting any strength into pushing him, only the gesture was enough to make him understand. “Just,” he heard himself saying, not wanting to pull away. “Just a little bit, okay? Please, just…”

“No,” said Gerard, frowning, seemingly out of the trance he had been in the last few seconds. “No, Frank, I have a girlfriend.”

It was true, of course. The idea of her not existing was only in Frank’s head, it wasn’t part of reality, and it only took hearing Gerard saying it to shatter the illusion. Yes, it was late. Yes, he had missed his chance and, maybe worst of all, he did want Gerard that way. The only way he couldn’t give him. Frank wasn’t his priority anymore.

“What if…” he began saying, refusing to move yet, because he felt so close physically he couldn’t believe all was lost. He thought there would be no way of getting this close again if he pulled away now, so he tried what he knew wouldn’t work, but needed to do anyway. “What if she doesn’t find out?” he asked in a low voice, almost a secret, bringing a hand to caress Gerard’s cheek.

Just like he thought, it didn’t work. Gerard slapped his hand away, this time without hesitation. “I won’t cheat on her. Get off me.”

As Frank got up, forced to face how he had screwed things up again, he felt the adrenaline running through his body, as if suggesting he should run away, the only logical solution. But no, he couldn’t escape again, there was nowhere to go. He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he left Gerard with that expression on his face. He looked so… betrayed? Angry? Disappointed? Frank had no idea, but he hated being the one to make him feel that way, again.

“Shit, sorry… I think I’m drunk.” He spat out the first excuse that popped into his head.

Gerard’s face didn’t change. “Yeah. I think you should leave.”

***

Two months ago Gerard’s basement was in complete silence, just like the rest of the house. The light was turned off, and now that Frank was somewhat paying attention, he could hear snoring from someone sleeping a few meters away from them, probably Ray. Mikey and Pete had been eyeing each other suspiciously enough for Frank to assume they had escaped to the room upstairs. After all, the group had called it a night like an hour ago, with Frank yelling something like ‘shotgun’ to claim his spot in Gerard’s bed. Ray had been fine with sleeping on the floor with some extra blankets, which meant less for him and Gerard.

But he wasn’t awake because he was cold. Honestly, they were so glued to each other that all he felt was a comfortable warmth. Frank was awake because Gerard hugged him too tight, and was now too close, and… that had made him horny. His eyelids felt heavy, he could barely keep his eyes open, no hope of having a coherent thought in his head; he only wanted more from the body behind him, so he grabbed Gerard’s arm around his waist to pull him in while also shoving his own body back.

A little noise got stuck in his throat when his ass grazed Gerard’s crotch and found out he was hard. It should be weird or uncomfortable, but Frank just thought it was fuckin’ hot. He felt his own dick twitching and pushed against him again, rubbing his cock, looking for more friction because it felt amazing. He wished he had taken off his jeans before getting under the covers so he could feel him closer, maybe without any clothes between them. Surely his cock would be hot on his skin and would slide between his thighs. Fuck, that was the best idea ever, somehow just thinking about having him in his legs was sexier than anything else.

All of a sudden Gerard’s face was on his neck, his breathing brushing his skin, making him tremble. Without thinking, he got a hand behind him, wanting to touch him; his fingers found Gerard’s boner and traced it through his pajamas. He was hard as a rock, and Frank could feel the heat even with the fabric still there. He wanted to sneak his hand inside his pants, touch his balls, feel his dick getting wet, have him pulsing against his fingers, he wanted… 

“Mh…” He heard a moan from Gerard, who was holding back, trying not to make any more noise. Frank turned to see him, cupping his face with both hands, looking into his eyes. It was too dark for any details, but he knew Gee was staring at him all needy. It was obvious. He probably had the same look. “Frankie…”

He couldn’t tell what did it. Maybe listening to his voice so affected, or remembering that Toro was still in the room. Perhaps it was thinking about what was going to happen next, allowing the doubt of him being able to touch another cock, questioning if he would even be good at it. Was it worth it to experiment with Gerard, a friend he cared about so much? There were too many thoughts going around and he had no idea why he couldn’t stop them like he did a few seconds ago, almost letting himself go with the flow.

“Sorry,” he muttered, putting a bit of space between them, laughing a bit. “I’m so drunk.”

“Yeah… me too.”

***

They had been quiet for a while. It wasn’t one of those comfortable silences people loved to mention when trying to prove how amazing their relationship was. This was a type of silence Frank had little experience with, because it didn’t feel like he should be the one to break it, but he also didn’t know if it was helping Gerard or just making things worse. 

Amanda had broken up with him. Frank still didn’t know why, Mikey wouldn’t tell him, perhaps because he didn’t know either. It had happened two days ago and Gee had been alone in his room for the most part. He would probably still be there if it weren’t for Frank banging at his door yelling for him to come out or he would burn the house down, and other threats that had the neighbors about to call the police. 

He had convinced Gee of taking a little trip to cheer him up. This time Frank drove while Gerard looked out the window, letting him play The Smiths on the radio and wallow in his sadness as much as needed. Of course breakups hurt, he could understand that, but he had never been as affected by them as Gerard now was, so he didn’t know what to do. That just proved how different they both were, Gerard really felt everything that happened to him.

But okay, maybe there was something else. Maybe Frank couldn’t really be sad about Gerard’s breakup because he had been eagerly waiting for it since he realized how bad he had messed up, and how badly he wanted him. Now Gee was single again, and Frank was ready to fight off any other people who might be waiting in line. It was  _ his _ turn.

Now they were sitting on the sand, Gerard holding his knees and staring at the sea absentmindedly while Frank bounced on his crossed legs from side to side, waiting for the perfect moment to make a move. It was kind of romantic, right? The two of them, hanging out at their favorite beach, the one that held so many memories… Frank remembered Gerard kissing him once right there, in the water. He wished he could go back and hold him, kiss him deeper, longer, not letting go, maybe tell him something sweet. Now was the time.

It was getting a bit chilly, so Frank thought about using it as an excuse to get closer. He smiled to himself, turning to look at his left, ready for it, and found Gerard hunching over himself. His shoulders spasmed as if he was crying.

Shit, he was crying.

Frank didn’t need to think about what it meant, he just got closer and wrapped him in his arms. Gerard let him, leaning into his chest, and Frank placed his cheek on his head, shutting his eyes. He never knew pain like this, didn’t even know it was possible to hurt so bad for someone else’s sadness, and not being able to do anything about it.

Gee didn’t need him making a move. What the fuck was he thinking?

“It’s okay,” he heard himself say, even though he didn’t think it was. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

Gerard sobbed louder, maybe letting it out. Frank caressed his back and then his hair, trying to be soothing as he had never been with another human being. He didn’t believe he had it in him, but here he was, trying his best. He just wanted to protect Gerard from ever feeling like this again, and held him tighter as if that would keep him away from more heart-break. 

He couldn’t believe he had let this happen again. It was his fault.

“I just… don’t know what I did, she said it wasn’t working,” Gerard mumbled against his chest. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing. There’s nothing wrong with you, Gee. Sometimes…” Fuck, he wished he had something better to say, anything that would magically heal him, but there were no such words. “Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be. It sucks, but… it’ll get better. You’ll get better, okay? This won’t hurt forever, I promise.” 

He felt Gerard nodding, still hiding between his arms, which was exactly where Frank wanted to keep him. There were no magical words, but Frank would stay there with him as much as he needed.

***

A month before Frank had been tasked with putting a way-too-drunk Gerard to bed. He was so wasted he could barely help moving his feet while Frank had an arm around his waist, trying to get them both down the stairs to the basement without falling to their deaths. Of course at the time Frank thought this was the funniest shit ever and couldn’t stop laughing, which made Gee laugh too, and their steps got clumsier. He couldn’t remember why it was so important for Gerard to be in his own bed instead of passing out on the couch, but it didn’t matter, he had a mission.

“You should be the one tucking me in, fucker,” he complained, finally dropping Gerard on the mattress. “I’m a baby, you’re an old man.”

“I want to be a baby too. I have a… baby-face.” He seemed proud to have found the expression he was looking for. “Sing me a lullaby, motherfucker.”

Frank wasn’t nearly as drunk as he would need to be to make up a song on the spot for Gerard, but he tried anyway. From the way he slurred his speech, he knew it would be unlikely for him to remember anything about tonight next morning. It didn’t matter if he made a fool of himself.  _ “Go to sleep, go to sleep,” _ he began, smiling while trying to put a blanket over him.  _ “Go to sleep, you big baby. Don’t make murder you.” _

Although he laughed by the end, Gee’s face did look relaxed and happy, so maybe that could be counted as a successful lullaby. His eyelids were getting heavy, he was about to fall asleep or pass out. Frank knew it wasn’t a big deal, Mikey wasn’t worried, but still wondered if he should stay and sleep with him in case he started throwing up or something. The bed was big enough, they had shared it before and… surely what had happened a month ago wouldn’t happen again. It had been just a drunken mistake and this time Frank was pretty much sober.

“Scoot over,” he said and Gerard’s face lightened up so much, it made Frank laugh.

“Frankie, you’re the best,” Gerard declared, throwing his arms around his waist and stuffing his face on Frank’s chest. “You’re… such a good friend and… you’re always taking care of me, and you’re so funny… and so pretty. Frankie, have you seen your face?” He asked, getting up to look at him, like he had just remembered how amazing Frank’s face was. 

“I think I’m familiar with it, yeah.” 

“I can’t get enough, I wish I could see it in the mirror like you do, you know? But then I would have to be you and I wouldn’t get to see you, so it’s not a great idea… Frankie, I love your hair too!” He changed the subject and got a finger on one of his dreads, twisting it a bit. “Sometimes I wish it was shorter so I could see more of your face though.”

What the hell was going on? Frank thought he had gotten pretty used to Gerard’s weirdness over the five months they had known each other, and this was still surprising. It didn’t seem like his usual train of thought about whatever he had learned or came across, this felt like a… confession. Like he shouldn’t be listening to this drunk talk.

“Let’s go to sleep,” he suggested, turning the light off from the lamp on the nightstand.

“I’m sorry, Frankie,” Gerard whispered. 

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not… I shouldn’t have tried to turn you… I think because I’m bi, I tend to believe everyone’s a little bisexual deep down, you know? But you’re not, and I should respect that, I… just wish things were different, I wish you liked me back and we could have fun… Or I didn’t like you so much and I could enjoy being only your friend, instead of hurting so much… I know it’s not your fault, but it still hurts that you don’t want me.”

So it was a confession, and a sad one. Frank didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how much was just his drunk self talking and how much of it was true. It also didn’t feel like Gerard was waiting for an answer, he had already shut his eyes. 

A kiss on his forehead was all he managed at the time.

***

“Frank,” Gerard sighed his name as soon as he saw him, still holding the door open. “I’m fine, okay? You guys don’t have to babysit me, I’m over it already, I just have a lot of work right now.”

“And I won’t bother you. I have homework too, look,” he lifted his guitar case to make the point. “You listen to music while you draw, right?”

“Yeah, but--”

“Rad!” Frank stepped into the basement, moving Gerard aside without waiting for an invitation. Despite how much he wanted to take a peek at whatever he had been working on, he ignored the open sketchpad on his bed and settled for sitting on the floor, taking his acoustic guitar out of the case. “There’s this one chord that’s giving me trouble. I can totally do it, but then I have to do this other one that’s like, really far away and… well, I need to practice more.”

“Practice makes perfect.”

Frank nodded and tried not to grin too obviously pleased with himself for getting into Gerard’s room after he had been locked in for a few days. Yes, Mikey and Ray were a bit worried too, but also told Frank this was normal for him after a break-up. He didn’t care about what was normal before he was around, he wanted to do things his own way, and leaving Gerard alone didn’t sit right with him. 

Of course he wouldn’t press for him to talk about it if he didn’t want to. Frank just wanted to be there for him in any way possible, and maybe playing his favorite songs on his guitar without talking made him feel useful. Gerard had gone back to drawing and didn’t look annoyed, so Frank kept on his own stuff, only stealing a few glances, smiling when he caught Gee tapping his fingers to the song he was playing.

“Will you sing?” He asked after a while, getting Frank out of his music zone.

“No,” Frank shook his head. “I don’t do that.”

“You sang for me,” Gerard lifted his gaze, smiling a bit behind a few strands of dark hair on his face. “You have a good voice.”

“Thanks, but…” That may have been one of the very few times Gerard had made Frank blush, even getting nervous, until he realized what those words meant. He laughed. “Fuck, you remembe that shit?”

“‘Course I do.”

That implied a lot and Frank was surprised by the revelation. He didn’t like to delve into Gerard’s words from that night, because it didn’t feel like they had should’ve happened, it felt like cheating to let him ramble on while being drunk and Frank chose to ignore all of it, at least consciously, because the truth was that they had reached deep inside of him. Those words had made him question his own feelings, maybe yearn for what Gerard was saying to be true, so they could have something. And then they made him angry, because as he was trying to sort everything out, someone else had come into their lives.

He could have confronted Gerard about it. Or apologize for being a jerk during that time. There were many layers to get lost in, but he preferred not to. Things were good now. Gerard seemed to be in a better mood and nothing of what went on had been serious enough for them to stop talking. Their bond was stronger than dumb fights. He still didn’t know what kind of relationship it was, but their little world was back. They were in it right now.

“I’ll sing if you show me your drawings.”

Gerard raised his eyebrows, like saying ‘oh, well played’, and Frank smiled. “Fair, okay,” he nodded and proceeded to pat the spot next to him on the bed. “C’mere.”

Frank practically jumped to his feet.

***

One month later exams were over and Friday movie nights had resumed in their natural habitat; Gerard’s basement. Ray, Mikey and Pete were there, all scattered between Gerard’s bed and his floor, but no one had dared taking Frank’s spot next to him. They hadn’t talked about it at all, it was just enough to look at his face to understand he was willing to bite. So even though it was a bit cramped there, Frank was still pretty close to Gerard, and that made him happy.

There was still no clarity on where they stood, but he had no rush to find out. That time had been about earning back their closeness and letting Gee move on at his own rhythm, being there for him when he needed it. Well, Frank didn’t mean to come off as a saint, because his intentions weren’t all noble; he still held hope of them getting together, when the time was right.

Easier said than done when they were both sitting on the bed, their backs to the wall and their sides touching. Because Frank was ready to scream it at the top of his lungs: he liked Gerard. He was bisexual, and Gerard too, and he liked him. And he knew Gerard had been attracted to him at some point, so now all the memories of stuff happening between them had stopped being heavy or something to avoid. They had become memories he wanted to repeat, and experience for the right reasons. All he could think about was how much he wanted to touch Gerard, break that invisible barrier of ‘just friends’ to say ‘I want more’. He wished the fact that they weren’t alone would help push those thoughts away. It didn’t.

Actually, he was already having trouble staring at the screen. Gerard had folded his legs and one of his hands rested on his right thigh, the one next to Frank. He wanted to hold that hand. Yes, okay, it wasn’t the boldest move ever, he wouldn’t pass out for being too daring, but it also wasn’t nothing. It was something. A small thing, a gesture, a question even. Shit, he was dizzy with how much he wanted it. He began by imitating him, placing his left hand on his own thigh and sliding it until it brushed the back of Gerard’s hand, who kept it there like nothing had happened. Fine, nothing had really happened. Time to go for it. Fuck, he had never doubted so much holding someone’s hand.

His fingers moved on their own searching for Gerard’s, his pinky and ring finger hooking with his. It led to a few seconds of feeling his heartbeat increasing and doubting if it had been too much, too soon, until Gerard squeezed his fingers a bit. Frank took another step placing his full hand on Gerard’s. Sure, it may sound boring, but it was the most action Frank had had since… maybe since Gerard pushed him away because he had a girlfriend? Huh. No wonder his dick was twitching. 

However, he wasn’t going to do anything else. He could control himself, he could tell his dick that the timing wasn’t right, even if Gerard’s thumb was drawing circles on the palm of his hand, making him shiver. Just for the record, he wasn’t a virgin, this was the first time he ever got hard from holding hands. Semi hard! Not like fully hard, that’d be so lame…

He rested his cheek on Gerard’s shoulder and felt how he tilted his head to him. Okay, yes, he knew how terribly lame they were being, but it felt so good Frank didn’t care anymore about how it looked. He wanted to be close to him and he did it. And he noticed how Gerard’s heart was beating loudly too, which made him smile. He couldn’t believe how much he missed being in each other’s space like that, something that now seemed so simple and easy, and that had made him yearn for so many months; it convinced him of not letting it go this time.

When he brought Gerard’s hand to his lips, placing a soft peck on the back, it was out of determination, like a small promise to give it his all this time around. It was in no way meant for their friends to realize they were interrupting something, but Frank didn’t regret it when Mikey looked at them and patted Pete’s lap.

“Dude, we haven’t taken out your dog.”

Pete stared at his boyfriend for exactly two seconds before nodding along. “You’re right, we should go. Now.”

“You got a dog?” Frank asked, momentarily too blinded by the possibility of a pet in their group to be aware of what they were doing.

“Yup. It’s half chihuahua, half pug. All black, except for her little white paws. You’ll love her, I’ll bring her by next time.”

“Ray, let’s go,” Mikey tapped on Ray’s shoulder, the only one who was actually into the movie they were watching.

“What?” He looked at them. “Where are we going?”

“To find a very specific type of dog,” Pete laughed, Mikey elbowed him and Ray just took one look at Gerard and Frank holding hands to kind of get a sense of the situation. “Bye, guys!”

On one hand, he had to appreciate how they had left them alone just when he needed it. Frank supposed he at least must have a conversation with Gerard about his feelings and delve through all that happened, give Gee a chance to make an informed and mature decision, and also put into words what went through his head during all that time.

On the other hand, having the three of them getting out between laughter and pushes, along with comments like ‘wear protection’ didn’t leave the best possible mood in the room. Suddenly Frank and Gerard were too aware of their hands and even though Frank didn’t want to let go, he thought returning Gee his personal space would be best to make him feel comfortable again.

However, Gerard turned to him, making a weird face. “It’s half chihuahua, half pug and half narwhal, yeah, it’s three halves, I can’t count, but this is my fuckin’ dog,” he let out all fast without stopping to breathe, doing such a bad job imitating Pete that Frank yanked him by the shoulders and kissed him hard and deep, because for some reason that was the sexiest thing he had ever seen. Fuck, he loved him so much.

And it felt so good. Maybe it was always good to have your tongue rubbing against another one, but it wasn’t only that. It felt good to be kissing Gerard without his brain entering panic mode, searching for excuses to make it not real, or counting the seconds he still had to pull away and be all like hey-no-homo.

Yes homo. He didn’t care anymore. This shit was too good, Gerard was too good. Frank couldn’t get enough of him, he was pulling him closer with his arms around his body, laying down on the bed with Gerard on top of him, tangling their legs together and making sure their hips found each other. Fuck, they were just making out and Frank was sure he would come at any second.

Pause. He needed a pause. He tried to break the kiss, but Gerard cupped his face with both hands to keep him there, as if he feared Frank was about to say something dumb to excuse himself. Again. That was obviously on his mind. Frank realized and took his hands, squeezing them, asking for some air.

As they pulled apart, he saw the worry on Gerard’s face. It made him let out a chuckle he immediately regretted.

“I’m not drunk!” He rushed to say. The relief on Gerard’s face was apparent and Frank thought it was the cutest thing he had ever seen. He believed he had earned to be fuckin’ sappy about all this, so he raised a hand to touch Gerard’s cheek and tugged a strand of hair behind his ear, watching him with sparkly eyes. “And I’m not high.”

Gerard nodded, tilting his head to Frank’s hand, grazing it with his lips. “Good to know.”

“But,” he bit his bottom lip as his hips shoved up, making him feel his boner. “I’m pretty horny.”

“Horny like… you’d fuck anything that moves? Or…”

“Horny like YOU make me horny, dumbass,” he sweetly explained and went back to claim his lips, kissing him with all of the hunger that was manifesting in him. The sensation of knowing they were all alone in the basement, having the freedom of doing whatever they wanted, was just the best feeling ever.

“You…” Gerard said between kisses, his voice already breathy. “Motherfucker… I wanna do so much shit to you…”

And that was by far the best thing that had ever happened to him. He wouldn’t be able to count how many times he had jerked off to the memory of their drunken night touching each other under the covers, his favorite part being how Gerard had called out his name all needy and shit, but this was on a completely different level. Obviously Gerard would have a filthy mouth and fuck, Frank was all here for it. “Like what?” He asked in the same tone. No use in trying to pretend it didn’t affect him.

“Like… licking all of your tattoos,” he began saying and Frank surely didn’t tilt his head to the side so Gerard would have plenty of access to the one on his neck, which was soon being licked and bitten all over. “Fuck, I’ve wanted to taste it since you got it…”

“Gee…” He ran his fingers through Gerard’s hair, keeping him there on his neck. “What else?”

“Strip you naked… Just like, all of it, I wanna see it and touch you all over,” Gerard kept talking and it didn’t seem like he was coming up with this stuff just now, it really sounded like something that was on his mind constantly. “And make you cum, and see your face and… fuck, I wanna blow you. Can I? I wanna feel you in my mouth…”

The sound caught up in Frank’s throat was as if Gerard had already begun the blow job. “Shit,” he muttered, surprised as well. “Yeah, yeah, please,” he agreed quickly, like it was still up for discussion, and brought his hands to his own pants, opening them urgently, as if he feared Gerard would change his mind. He was dying to be touched by him.

Gerard gave him space, sitting on his haunches on the bed, occupied with watching and licking his lips while Frank fought his stupid pink belt, which he had never hated as much as he did now. There was no grace in the way he undid his fly and proceeded to shove his pants and underwear down, baring himself. Gerard continued with the task, grabbing his clothes and pulling them further down, tossing them aside. He really wanted Frank naked as soon as possible and was not subtle at all in the way his gaze went straight down. Frank answered by spreading his legs, because there was no point in feeling ashamed when it was Gerard, and a blow job was on the table.

“You’re so fuckin’ hot, Frankie,” he pronounced every word with intention, while placing his hands on Frank’s thighs, squeezing a bit before going up and settling on his hips. Gerard leaned in and licked the swallows tattooed on his skin first, which also gave Frank the impression of being something on his mind for a long time. “You drove me crazy with these…”

“I know,” he admitted, a big, dumb grin on his face.

“You little shit.” Gerard smiled back, although notoriously salty.

“I don’t,” Frank began saying, but was forced to stop when Gerard licked a long stripe on his dick and his words turned into a moan for a second. “I don’t regret anything.” He still managed to say.

The good thing about provoking Gerard was that he didn’t care about having a verbal argument, he just channeled his vengeful energies into sucking his dick into his mouth, which to be fair did shut Frank up. For a while. It wasn’t the first blow job he received, but it was by far the best one. Gerard swirled his tongue and bobbed his head without any type of restriction, as if he wanted to show him how much he loved cock in general, and Frank had never felt someone moaning while blowing him, but there was Gee, still broadening his horizons.

Half of his head was empty, and half of it was full. Because since he heard Gee’s ex screaming in pleasure, Frank hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how good Gerard had to be with his mouth and, yes, he was having a taste of his own right now, but his mind kept bringing up other ideas and fuck, if he didn’t say it now, when? He was eager to do every single thing he could come up with, couldn’t remember they had all the time in the world.

“Gee,” he called, spreading his legs a bit more. “Lower…”

Gerard looked at him for a moment, his mouth still filled by his dick, that he let out slowly, like savoring him before moving to the base, licking around his shaft. “L-lower… please,” Frank asked again. Gerard’s tongue reached his balls, licking each of them, grazing with his lips and although it made Frank shiver in pleasure, it wasn’t exactly what he wanted, and he raised his hips trying to get him  _ there. _

“Oh,” Gerard let out and quickly placed his hands on the back of Frank’s thighs, making him fold his legs into his chest, spreading him open, exposing all of it. “Fuck, yeah…” he whispered, like this was the best idea ever. It obviously was.

“Fuck!” Frank cried out when Gerard’s tongue was exactly where he wanted it. That was completely new, no one had ever touched him there, much less put their whole face in his ass, but there was Gerard again, making Frank wish this wouldn’t be the only time that happened, because it was now his favorite thing ever. He had imagined Gerard eating him out just like that, lapping at his hole, digging his tongue in, twirling it around; the real feeling was way better. It got him panting, he really needed more air, and was fisting the sheets like the models in the covers of erotic novels. Shit, he was really moaning out of control, Gerard was just that good and Frank counted his blessings for being on the receiving end of that mouth.

He could feel his orgasm building up, sure that if things kept up like that, he would come pretty soon. And maybe he was getting too greedy, but now another idea had installed in his head and the words just came out of his mouth because of how turned on he was. “Aah, I wanna… Gee, I wanna put it in you...”

Gerard stopped and lifted his face, wet from spit, which made Frank a bit proud, and gave him more calm to think about what he had just said. “Yeah?” Gee asked, smiling.

Frank sat on the bed and took off what was left of his clothes, nodding. He saw Gerard undressing too and came closer to help, getting his hands on his jeans while he got rid of his t-shirt and hoodie. It was difficult to focus feeling the warmth of his boner through the denim, but he managed to undo the zipper and open his pants, only then treating himself to a little reward by sneaking a hand into his briefs to touch him directly. He heard a moan. Had he seriously moaned for touching another cock or had it been Gerard? It didn’t matter anyway.

“Wait, wait,” Gerard asked, pulling away to finish undressing, since Frank’s hand between his legs wasn’t helping at all. However, Frank still didn’t make it easy for Gee, pushing him onto the bed and turning completely feral to kick his jeans and underwear out of his legs while being on top of him, rutting, seemingly hyperventilated with all that naked skin to touch. “Can’t believe I was worried about you being straight…”

Frank stopped and looked up, trying to seem upset, but it was impossible. “That’s low, asshole.”

“You kinda deserve it though,” Gerard replied, smiling. “And… I was a bit worried this would turn you off, you know? So… I’m glad it didn’t.”

There were many things Frank wanted to reply, and to ask too, like at what point he thought Frank wouldn’t want to keep going, or if he was now sure that yes, he was pretty much into him, and his body, and his cock. But truth be told, he had always been someone who preferred actions over words and in this particular occasion, he didn’t have any brain left to form a coherent sentence. “Turn around.”

“Let me just…”, Gerard muttered, unaffected by the request, only taking his time to grab some lube and a condom out of his nightstand. Sure, all of his room was a mess, but  _ that _ he had at hand. Not that Frank was complaining…

Gerard laid on his stomach and Frank’s brain stopped working. Yeah, he had been aware of Gerard’s ass since he saw him that first morning standing alone in the kitchen; he had seen his ass before he saw his face, and it was… really fine. But having it bare in front of him was another whole experience. And also burying his face in it.

“Ah!” Gerard cried out in equal parts of surprise and arousal. Frank put his hands on Gee’s hips so he would raise them, and went on to copy exactly what he had done before, putting his hands on his asscheeks to spread them and licking between them, because he couldn’t stand the idea of a spot on Gerard’s body that he hadn’t touched. It seemed unreal that sticking his tongue in him could feel almost as good as being in the other role. Did they have some sort of weird sex telepathy? “Frankie… your tongue, fuck… I didn’t know…”

Well, Frank didn’t know either that it would be like that, had no idea his dick would be about to explode just feeling how Gerard’s thighs were trembling, and that all he would want was to put his tongue in deeper to make him moan louder. All of the sex he had before this was now on a lower level, it was unfair to be even calling it by the same name. This was like ultra-sex.

“Gee,” he called, his breath still agitated as if he had run a mile. He took a moment to pull up and place his cheek on Gee’s lower back, hugging his waist. Maybe this wasn’t the best moment for it, but he couldn’t hold it in. “I love you. A lot.”

Supposedly those words shouldn’t be said during sex, but they were having ultra-sex, the rules didn’t apply. And also Gerard was a bit weird too, just like Frank, so he looked over his shoulder and said: “I love you too, motherfucker.”

It was perfect. Frank felt a lot lighter after letting it out of his chest and now felt the need to let other things out of his body. He went on to grab the bottle of lube on the bed and opened it, coating his fingers. At least he was familiarized with that part, because he wasn’t a stranger to jerking off with extra help. “Tell me what to do.”

“Gimme some,” Gerard instructed, stretching his arm behind his back. Frank applied more lube to his hand and watched him bring his own fingers to touch his ass, which Frank helped spread open with one hand. He saw one of Gee’s fingers circling and entering his hole. “You just… go slow and… move it around a bit…”

Gerard made it seem easy, so Frank tried pressing one of his fingertips, joining Gerard’s finger inside, which made him moan. It was kinda cool to be doing it together, and then Gerard added another finger and Frank’s mind sort of exploded with how stretched he already was. The real thing was nothing like watching porn, this was way better, and he loved how shameless Gee was being about it. No one had ever let him watch them like this.

His free hand searched for the condom and opened it once he had it, letting Gerard continue the preparation by himself; he was biting his lip and moaning a lot. Frank tried not to touch his dick too much while unrolling the condom because he wouldn’t be able to last at all if he did. 

“You ready?” He asked. Gerard nodded and took his fingers out.

“I may cum as soon as you touch me though…”

That made Frank laugh and feel a bit better. “Same, dude.”

To make it more comfortable, Gerard got on his hands and knees and Frank placed a hand on his lower back, using his other one to line his dick to his ass. Once he pushed inside, he tried to think about anything besides how tight and hot it was, making a true effort to ignore how Gee was panting and fisting the bedspread. He told himself to go slow and wondered if it hurt as much as everyone always said. “Does it hurt?”

“No… feels good,” Gerard replied. 

“Really?” He could see him holding his breath and Frank kind of did the same until he was all inside, buried balls deep, fuck. It didn’t seem like it was possible, but there he was. “You okay?”

Gerard nodded again. “Sorry, I just… I’m really about to…”

Frank leaned into him and kissed his shoulders, reaching his neck too, and started moving a bit, as slowly as possible. Gerard was squeezing his eyes shut. “You feel so good…” he said, his voice rough and deep.

“Oh, fuck,” Gerard complained and pressed his cheek on the pillow, quickly going to grab the base of his dick in one hand. “Stop talking… shit.”

He had to assume Gerard wanted him to keep talking, because he knew Frank well enough to know that telling him not to do something was basically begging for him to triple it. He dared to thrust a bit deeper and push out faster, trying to get a good rhythm while slipping in and out of him easier than he thought it would be. “I can’t, it’s so good… Your ass is so tight, Gee… I wanna fill it up…”

“Shut… shut the fuck up…”

Gerard began answering his thrusts shoving his hips back too, perhaps trying to get him to lose control as well, and it was working, Frank could also feel the tension in his abdomen reaching a high point again. “I can’t wait to feel you cum around me… my dick is so deep in--”

“Fuckfuckfuck,” Gerard interrupted him with his chant of swearing and Frank could feel him tense up from the inside while he came. He tried to keep fuckin’ him through it, which just made him orgasm too. And it wasn’t like any orgasm he had experienced before, no, this was a long, desperate one, reaching different high points that he didn’t even know existed, making his brain truly shut off for a few seconds. His body felt completely boneless. He had also never been that loud while cumming. It was like meeting a new side of himself. And he liked it.

He placed one last kiss on Gerard’s shoulder and pulled out carefully, holding the condom so it wouldn’t spill. While he tied it up and threw it into the garbage, Gerard turned around. His right hand and stomach were covered in jizz. Frank didn’t even think before getting in there to lick it clean.

“You fuckin’ puppy,” Gerard joked, laughing really loud and trying to push his face away.

“I wanted to try it.” In Frank’s opinion, it was a strong argument. They were both too dumb right now to have any type of serious conversation.

“Can you just relax for a minute?” Gerard pulled Frank in so he would lay next to him. “We just did a lot of stuff… aren’t you tired? I’m exhausted.”

“Not really. I could go again in like… five minutes, you know?”

“Wake me up when you’re ready,” Gerard smiled and grabbed a blanket, putting it over both of them, and then really closed his eyes and rested his head on the pillow. Frank stared at him, wondering how he could be so lucky to not only have him in his life, but also be the one he chose to love. There was nothing else he could ask for.

Oh, well, maybe just one tiny thing.

“Gee,” Frank called. “I wanna go to the beach.”

“You always do.” Gerard smiled, not opening his eyes. Frank laughed a bit, searching for his hand to hold and kiss it.

“You do too, right?”

“I wanna be where you are.”

***

**Author's Note:**

> For my #1 crush, who loves the beach, recreational drugs and yearning. 🖤  
> It's been tough being physically away from you. I miss our long walks, dying your hair, getting my makeup done by you and our rants at Chili's after work; but at the same time, I feel so much closer to you now. I love discussing dumb gossip first thing in the morning, listening to you forgetting about what you were going to say on long audios, our wine&whine sessions and getting genuinely hyped about each other's art. You're one of my favorite people, you make me laugh when I'm being moody (although you've never made a single joke) and let me be a brat when I need it. You never run out of topics to discuss, or ideas to share. I admire you so much I'd be simping over you even if we weren't friends.
> 
> I love the world we've created for ourselves and I love you, you beautiful little bat. Thank you for being in my life.


End file.
